The Shadow-Self

What is the shadow self, and how do we embrace it? 

“The adversary” or “The Enemy”
Whether you believe in an entity of evil outside of yourself or you do not, I’m not here to debate. But, we are all fighting against negative and soul-destructive forces. I would like to refer to these forces as “the adversary”. All human beings have a shared enemy; you could think of it as self-doubt. It is the belief that we are not worthy, not capable, or that it is too late for us. This is a lie. It is not our weaknesses or frailties which are our enemy, for they are the gateway to opportunity and ultimately to strength and self-mastery. If we cannot see the “room to grow” in ourselves because we are so afraid of what darkness we might uncover, then we are trapped in that “sin” we perceive. In essence we are “damned” or blocked by our own self-judgements, unable to progress. It is our own choice whether we choose to allow ourselves to be defined by the limits of our shadow-selves, but on that path lies stagnation. 

Embracing your shadow-self

I think most of us are familiar with the biblical story of Adam and Eve. My own personal belief is that they were very good people. I think they get a bad rap from all the “original sin” thing, especially Eve. But, I believe that she did the only thing she could. In fact, I think so many of us have an unhealthy perspective and relationship with the concept of “sin”.

Have you ever reflected back on your life and felt caught in a sense of despair because of the “mistakes” you’ve made? Things that you now believe have closed pathways and destroyed opportunities for you? Or, when you look backwards, is it the missed opportunities, the “if only I’d known” or “if only I’d taken the chance” memories that get to you and drag you to a halt? 

Sin is a funny word, because it has such powerful negative connotations. It is full of judgement and recrimination. In my own experience, many of the Christians I’ve met have a tendency to preach grace but practice judgement. In fact, I think that unhealthy relationship to judgement is at the root of a lot of non-religious people’s choice to reject organized religion. Since I am an American, I tend to perceive cultural norms as they’ve been shaped in my own country, from a background heavily influenced by Victorian and Puritanical virtues to a modern all-inclusive value system which eschews moral judgement on anything. The societal training that came from Victorian influences has had a deeply significant impact on American culture which is still felt, and which encourages us to not look upon or discuss those undesirable or carnal and base aspects of ourselves or life. Many modern Americans, have rejected this repressive mindset in vigorous ways, even to rejecting any kind of moral judgement at all. I know that sometimes we have to forcefully eject or even rebel against ingrained beliefs which do not serve us in order to free ourselves, and it can be difficult to be moderate when we are still influenced and fighting those influences, but I think modern society fails in thinking that morality does not exist or should not be recognized at all. In my mind, morality should not include personal judgement, but it should still reflect that there is an ideal which it is beneficial to reach for. We simply need to avoid condemning specific people, especially including ourselves, and instead focus on virtues which are desirable to attain. I would say that it is desirable to be humble, courageous, responsible, self-disciplined, compassionate, pure-hearted and clean in body and mind (which are all Victorian virtues). It is also desirable to be open-hearted and accepting of others who are different or at different stages of self-development (a core Christian tenet). But, accepting and loving others or ourselves unconditionally, does not mean we should reject having a moral standard to which we ascribe and try to attain. We simply need to stop trying to measure ourselves all the time. Today is not judgement day. Self-assessment is necessary, but it is possible and important to do so without judgmentalism or harsh criticism and to use instead compassion and understanding. So, perhaps resist exploring your shadow-self until you are truly ready to open your heart and mind to loving it. 

Another thought to consider… do you know that resistance is basically the key to building strength? It seems fairly obvious when you consider it from a muscle-building analogy. The more weight you gradually manage to resist and the longer you repetitively resist it, the more muscles you grow. But, the same definitely applies to mental, emotional and spiritual disciplines as well. If you do not have any resistance, then you have nothing to work against or a way to “build muscle”. So, can you understand why I say that “It is not our weaknesses or frailties which are our enemy, for they are the gateway to opportunity and ultimately to strength and self-mastery”? It is because our weaknesses are our greatest advantages. They provide us with the resistance to work against and show us where we can develop and become masters. We should, in a sense, celebrate them. That doesn’t mean we should indulge in them, of course. Just that we should recognize them for the opportunities they are instead of letting guilt and doubt stop us from acknowledging them at all. 

Journal Exercise #6:  What are you afraid to look at in yourself? 

For this one, the work is going to be in your mind and heart. Think about what you consider to be your greatest weaknesses or flaws. Do you see a positive side to any of these flaws? On a piece of paper, write down your best kept personal secret, or whatever makes you feel most ashamed in yourself. How would you feel if your best friend told you the same secret about themselves? Would you feel ashamed for them, or would you understand? Remember, you don’t have to address the flaw or do anything about it. You only have to fully acknowledge it and then try to see yourself from a less personal viewpoint so that you can begin to accept it. Once you recognize and accept things about yourself, they lose their power to control you or hold you back. If you need to, come back to this exercise later. It can take more than one time to fully look at things you aren’t comfortable with.